You Won! Oh Wait You Lost.

After our trip to Alaska, I was in a lot of knee pain and a lot of emotional pain and when I am like that, I forego writing.  When you take a cruise, you often climb a lot of stairs.  This would normally be fine, but I didn't think about it much until the pain was almost unbearable.  Then I was like, "Oh yeah, there's a reason I do not do the stair machine at the gym.  This is not good for my knee."

While I was still on the cruise, I scheduled a massage.  This would really be my first massage ever.  I told her about the pain I was having in my knee.  In fact when we were in Victoria, BC I couldn't keep up with everyone during the walk into town and Dave and I just headed back to the ship.  The day after we returned home, I went to the massage.  Well the massage just seemed to aggravate the knee even more.  I could barely move for the next 7 days.  Now yes that is exaggerating some, but it was extremely painful.  I could not touch my knees without it hurting.  I would try to do the classes at the gym and I couldn't get into a squat anymore.  I was super frustrated.  It was then that Ryan suggested it was time to see the doctor.  I agreed and started the process.  I got an appointment about 10 days later because I was waiting for my doctor to be in the office.

Meanwhile emotionally I was kind of beat up because I found out that I had actually been voted the first place winner in my age group for the Gold's gyms in the region.  But then Corporate Gold's gym liked the girl who had got second place better and gave her a national ranking of 4th.  Because she finished higher than me nationally, the Region rules are to place her ahead of me.  So she got 1st and I got 2nd.

I don't know why it got to me so much, but it did.  Probably coupled with the pain, it was just a bad combination. I just felt awkward when I got back. I felt stupid for ever thinking I could have won.  I felt the worst about opening up with my essay and writing the things I did.  I get personal with family, but not so much with others.

I never did the competition for the money, so that wasn't it at all.  And I feel like if I had been beaten fair and square, I could have taken that.  But for a corporaton to look at pictures and pick a winner without considering the local gyms input was to me unfair.

I feel like there are so many more people like me in the world (extremely overweight) than there are this woman they voted into first (fit and now fitter).  Why would they not want to try and reach the people like me.

It has taken me quite a while to process this all in my head.  I have continued to lose weight.  My trainer and I have a goal of 100 pounds in one year.

A few family members really helped me through those down days and reminded me that in the end I was doing this for me.  Once I realized that again, I started to heal.  I still felt very vulnerable for having opened up so much, and I definitely closed myself off for awhile.  I continued to go to the gym, but I was not as happy (if you will.)

But while I was still on the cruise, these pictures were posted on the Gold's Gym Grand Junciton Facebook page.  (I go to Gold's Gym Clifton.)

 They posted that I was in 1st place and in 2nd place.  So I wrote the manager of the gym and he said he would talk to me in person when I got home.  That is when he explained, I was in first place, but corporate had picked her to be a national winner, so they had to bump me to 2nd.

So anyway, now we have been home for about one month.  I am happy again and ready to rock the weight loss again.  I'm having fun in the gym again and my workout partners have been awesome.

It has taken this long to also find out what is up with my knee.  I found out last week that I tore my medial meniscus.  This happened at the beginning of Week 10 of the 12 Week challenge (so roughly March 20).  I was jump roping and I heard a loud pop and then my leg buckled.  I was in bad pain for three or four days and then manageable pain after that.  I certainly did not want to quit the challenge so I kept going.

I think after the Alaska cruise and the stairs, I about had done myself in.  I go on Thursday, July 7 to an Orthopedic doctor to see what my options are.  I just want to get back to where I can do all of every workout.  I have been able to swim for cardio and I am getting much stronger there.  I am actually having Ryan time me in 1000 yard free tomorrow.  I haven't swam that distance on purpose since I was 20.  I have a couple of swim meets, I could swim in August if I want to.  But first I need to see if I need a knee surgery or not.

I am not asking for any sympathy here.  I just like to get my thoughts down and move on.  We have had lots of great things happening in our lives too and I just haven't wanted to write at all.  So the fact that I am back to writing is a healthy sign.

During the challenge I was steadily losing 2 pounds a week.  After the Alaska cruise and my melt down, the trainers put me on a "rehab" schedule with way fewer workouts, very little cardio, and rehab exercises for the knee.  My weight loss has continued but it's just at one pound a week instead of two.  So far since January 18, I have never had a week where I gained.  So today at 24 weeks in, I am down 47.5 pounds.

I have been told over and over that I write too much or I over communicate, so hopefully you were able to make it through all of this and now you can say, "Phew, I made it."