Life is Incredible

Oh my goodness I have so much to say.  Shocker, isn't it?!?

My husband and I recently returned from a cruise to Bermuda.  Several people have asked me "What was your favorite part of the cruise."  The only thing I can say is that it is a "feeling."  A feeling of thankfulness for where I am today, a feeling for how active I can be today, a feeling of how great life is for me!

I've slowly (over time) made a shift in my thinking about my fitness journey.  For so long I was caught up in the number on the scale and why hadn't it moved down more or faster or whatever!  I really think I put pressure on myself to get down to at least 100 pounds lost before Ryan decided to move on in his career and possibly stop helping me.  I don't know if that makes sense or not, but for a long time I wanted to lose the weight to make him proud.  Yet all along he has said, "You are doing this for YOU! Not me.  Not anyone else.  YOU."  I feel like that has clicked in the past few months (only took a year.  lol)  I think the biggest thing I can stress here is make sure you are doing it for you!  Maybe you want to look good for your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe your parent is pressuring you??  You need to get to the place that you want to do it for YOU!

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us.  If my mind is made up that I am doing this for ME, then it is easier for me to work around the curveballs that are thrown my way.  I've always been a competitor so throw a curve ball at me and I'll show you how I can overcome.

The other thing I realized is how many women there are who are much thinner than I am and look fantastic, yet still are unhappy with their body or their weight.  (Was I going to get to my goal weight and still be unhappy?  I need to change that perception now.)  And then also how many times a day they weigh themselves. Let me ask you this, when you weigh yourself (more than once a day) are you going to do something different that day based on the number?  If not, why weigh yourself?   I hope to help change your perception of yourself by writing what I am learning.

Would I love to have the body I had at 20 and before 3 children?  Maybe.  But I'd much rather be happy, healthy, and strong. The last time I weighed myself was before Ryan left at the end of May.  The next time I will weigh myself (because of my summer) is at the end of July.  I cannot tell you how freeing this is.  I get physically angry at the number on the scale and it usually ruins my day if not my week.  Do you know how crazy that is?  I need to STOP that.

So far I have lost 66 pounds.  I have NOT lost 100 pounds.  BUT - here is what I have done so far this summer that NEVER would have been possible 18 months ago (or for the past 12 years).

First time EVER - zip lining

First time EVER as an adult cliff jumping

First time in a VERY long time - I wore a bathing suit in public.

First time EVER - simulated skydiving

First time in 10 years to go away with just my husband -
AND stay in the same room because I don't snore like a freight train anymore.

Please do NOT let the scale define you!  Do not let it occupy space in your head.   I am not near my goal weight at all, but I am also no longer almost 300 pounds.  I am so much healthier AND happier.  I will get there.  It's just going to be on a slower timetable than some.  And I will get there because I am doing this for ME.

You are more than a number

Week Two of Training by Teal

I feel a bit like the story "The Little Engine That Could."  I was really bummed when I found out that Ryan wanted to move, but I didn't want to show that.  I want him to go after his goals and dreams; so I didn't want to make him feel bad for leaving.  But I went through a lot mentally wondering if I would be able to continue "as well" on my journey without him here pushing me.

He absolutely believed I could do it and so did many of you - my friends.  But I wasn't so sure.  So now it's been two weeks and I'm like - "I think I can do this."  (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.)  I'm realizing I know a lot more than I have given myself credit for.

I talked through several options with Ryan about how I would move forward once he left Grand Junction.  The option that gave me the most peace in my life was for him to write me workouts once a week, I follow those, and we communicate by e-mail or phone once a week or as needed.  I would still get his counsel on my food as well.

I wondered if I would work hard enough without him in the room, but I was sweating pretty good after the first workout on my own.  I did the first week at Planet Fitness.  Let's just say this.  There is no drama at Planet Fitness.  Although they signed up 2000 members in their first month, there were maybe 15 people in the gym when I would go do my workouts.  I found a familiar face one day (a mutual friend of Ryan's) and he helped me figure out how to deadlift on the Smith machine.  I worked with one of their trainers to get to know their equipment better and we had a great 30 minutes together.

Week Two - I've been at Golds this week and it's worked out great.  I've asked Semaj and Misty for advice and they've gone out of their way to help me.  When I do my cardio sessions, I have a choice.  I can say, "Oh noones watching, I won't work so hard."  or I can say "How many rope slams can I get done in 45 seconds?"  and then try to keep hitting that number for all 10 sets.  Well first of all, I am not doing this for anyone BUT myself.  I was never doing this for Ryan.  I am and will be forever thankful for his help, but he has drilled into my head that I need to do this for ME - noone else.  So when I'm tired or want to give up, I remember my goal and I push harder.  I think that's what has surprised me the most.  I guess I thought I'd just take it easy on myself and not push so hard.  But I haven't.  I have still pushed hard because I want this bad.

I am continuing my leg rehab with Semaj at Golds.  Last Friday we did a lot of squats.  Again, I wondered "Can I do this?"  But like Ryan, Semaj knows what I can and cannot do and he believed I was ready.  I was definitely sore over the weekend, but it wasn't a bad sore.

Our daughter was home for a few days and she came and swam with me one morning.  It was definitely a little easier and more fun to have someone to workout with.  This was only my second time swimming long course (50 meter pool).

I love everything I learned in kickboxing.  It has given me so much more confidence in life.  I can't even begin to explain that.  I love that Jenna has started working there as an instructor and she's great at it.  I love that Shauna (an instructor) is a certified personal trainer now and is training people much like Ryan did for me.

So all in all it's been a good two weeks.  I'm pressing on.  I thank you all for your encouragement.  Recently I had two or three people that I had no idea "followed" me, encourage me on my way.  That is always helpful to keep me in the right mindset.

Next week our family is going to be in Branson, Missouri with Dave's family.  I have permission (if you will) to take a week off.  Those of you who know me know that doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy.  For me it just means I am not going to have to THINK so much.   Thanks again for believing in me.  "I thought I could. I thought I could.  I thought I could."